Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2016 20:01:06 GMT
A Muslim Couple, preparing for their Wedding, meet the Mullah for Counselling. He asks if they have any last questions before they leave.. The man asks, "We realise it's a tradition in Islam for Men to dance with Men, and Women to dance with Women. But, at our Wedding Reception, we'd like your permission to dance Together." "Absolutely NOT," says the Mullah. "It's immoral. Men and Women always dance separately." "So after the Ceremony I can't even Dance with my own Wife".. "NO," answered the Mullah, "It's Absolutely Forbidden in Islam.” "Well, Okay," says the man, "What about Sex. Can we finally have Sex".. "Of Course..!" replies the Mullah, "Sex is OK within marriage, to have children.." "What about different positions?" asks the man. "No problem," says the Mullah. "Woman on Top?" "Sure," says the Mullah. "Go for it..!" "Doggy style..?" "Sure..!” "On the kitchen table..?" "Yes, Yes!" .. "Can we do it with all my Four Wives together on Rubber Sheets with a Bottle of Hot Oil, a couple of Vibrators, Leather Harnesses, a bucket of Honey and a Porno Video".. ? "You may indeed,,!" "Can we do it standing up?" "NO." says the Mullah." "Why not..?" asks the man. "It could lead to dancing.."
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Joke Time
Nov 12, 2016 20:42:29 GMT
via mobile
Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2016 20:42:29 GMT
Why did the chicken cross the road?
|
|
|
Post by Mr Stabby on Nov 12, 2016 20:53:09 GMT
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because DHutch was crossing the road and he had his dick up the chicken's arse?
|
|
|
Post by bargemast on Nov 12, 2016 20:56:08 GMT
Well if it's time for jokes, I'll add a few too then :
The police came to my door and told me my dog was chaising everyone who passed on a bike.
My dog can't ride a bike.
I'm trying to sell my vacuum cleaner,
It only gathers dust.
A Rabbi met a member of the congregation on the street. How's your son's new wife? he asked.
Terrible! She responded.
She lays in bed demanding breakfast.
She expects him to do all the shopping and
he has to take her to resaurants every evening and pay the bill.
How is your daughters new husband then?
Excellent!
He makes her breakfast.
He does all the shopping and every evening they go out to a restaurant and he pays the bill.
LOL, Peter.
|
|
|
Post by Mr Stabby on Nov 12, 2016 21:06:10 GMT
I used to work at a yoghurt factory but I got the sack because I kept getting mullered.
|
|
|
Post by naughtyfox on Nov 12, 2016 22:03:45 GMT
I went to see my bank manager and he said that I am going to have to pay interest. I tried, but it was so boring.
I've complete sympathy for the latest victims of Rolf Harris to have come forward. It must have been terrible living with amnesia until now.
Vanessa Feltz's knickers are that big that when Rolf Harris said "it couldn't have been me, I was in Australia at the time". It still wasn't an excuse.
"I'm the best there is, there is absolutely no one like me, " said my conceited boss. "I think you'll find that's likes, " I replied.
|
|
|
Post by Mr Stabby on Nov 12, 2016 22:14:12 GMT
Vanessa Feltz's knickers are that big that when Rolf Harris said "it couldn't have been me, I was in Australia at the time". It still wasn't an excuse. Gosh, you wouldn't believe the faux outrage on CWDF when I made a joke about Rolf Harris and Vanessa Feltz at the time- largely driven by a current Thunderboat member obsessed with the CWDF Report Button it must be said.
|
|
|
Post by naughtyfox on Nov 12, 2016 22:21:40 GMT
(how can you tell who it was?) (not me, obviously, can't say I had even noticed the report button) Anyway... was just shutting this computer down then noticed this from my 'canalworld twat' search: Paul and Elaine4 October 2012 at 21:16 What a nasty twat of a man! Paul So, the word has been out there since before Thunderboat began! From here (and an interesting encounter with the 'Vicar'): narrowboatchance.blogspot.fi/2012/10/hotel-boats-oak-and-ash-strike-again-at.html
|
|
|
Post by bargemast on Nov 12, 2016 22:37:12 GMT
Here's another one before I hit the sack :
A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair, 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about twenty minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment, then says - 'Where's my toast?'
|
|
|
Joke Time
Nov 12, 2016 22:41:27 GMT
via mobile
Post by Trina on Nov 12, 2016 22:41:27 GMT
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because DHutch was crossing the road and he had his dick up the chicken's arse? careful...
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2016 23:21:59 GMT
Because DHutch was crossing the road and he had his dick up the chicken's arse? careful... Made me laugh...
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Joke Time
Nov 13, 2016 7:14:25 GMT
via mobile
Post by Deleted on Nov 13, 2016 7:14:25 GMT
Not a joke as such but I found it mildly funny and apparently true.
We played at a pub last night which is in a bit of a rough area. The people are great there though and always enjoy themselves and will get up and have a dance.
My missus was there with a couple of other lady friends of the band. Apparently one of them went into the ladies but there was no toilet paper. After having gone to the bar to ask for some, a local obliged and promptly walked into the toilet with a copy of the Sun.
Well, this made my missus chuckle somewhat and commented that she didn't like the Sun (I think she is more into the Daily Mail!).
Anyway, eventually one of the bar ladies walked into the loo with 4 toilet rolls. Within a few minutes my missus saw one of the punters walk out with 2 toilet rolls!
|
|
|
Post by naughtyfox on Nov 13, 2016 8:56:10 GMT
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Nov 13, 2016 9:24:44 GMT
It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Cokey.
But I’ve turned myself around and that’s what it’s all about.
|
|
|
Post by naughtyfox on Nov 13, 2016 11:36:09 GMT
Talking of chickens (we were, weren't we?) I just found this somewhat bizarre series that I'd never seen before:
(hmmm... edited... as my humour can be too broad, but I like the Smurfs and Road Race clips)
|
|