|
Post by Jim on Aug 31, 2020 6:25:45 GMT
Of course mard southerners use Northern jokes and culture because they have none of their own worth mentioning. Of course we have jokes in the South. Man- "Excuse me, is there a B & Q in Henley?" Other man- "No, there's an H, an E, an N..." That's a bit like a joke, only smaller.
|
|
|
Joke Time
Aug 31, 2020 6:29:32 GMT
via mobile
Post by Jim on Aug 31, 2020 6:29:32 GMT
That's a strange coincidence as I've just been doing some boat handling around Henley bridge. Was quite funny because there was some lad in a speed boat looking all clever but he didn't notice me about to ram him. So I politely blipped the air horn. Not too loud as one would not wish to upset the neighbours. I like doing 360 pirouettes around Thames bridges. It's better than hitting them.. Of course a 360 can be assisted by other craft and river infrastructure, judiciously using the bow and stern twixt the two to spin on the spot, rumour has it that a boater we know did a 720 double donut near Blackfriars.
|
|
|
Post by Mr Stabby on Oct 18, 2020 14:38:50 GMT
A woman stows away on a ship so she can start a new life in America. Three weeks into the journey she is discovered and brought before the Captain. "What are you doing on my boat?" he asks. She replies "One of your sailors is stowing me away to America, he brings me three meals a day and in return I let him fuck me every night" The Captain replies "Oh he's fucking you alright, this is the Dover-Calais ferry"
|
|
|
Post by Mr Stabby on Oct 18, 2020 15:36:26 GMT
Tampax have announced a re-design of their iconic product. The traditional string is going to be replaced with a piece of tinsel.
This is for the Christmas period only.
|
|
|
Post by lollygagger on Oct 22, 2020 13:26:53 GMT
Two builders go into the pub after a hard day's work. They're sat drinking for a while when a very smartly dressed man walks in and orders a drink. The two began to speculate about what the man did for a living. "I'll bet he's an accountant." said the first builder. "Looks more like a stockbroker to me." argued the second. They continued to debate the subject for a good while until eventually the first builder needed to use the toilet. On walking in, he saw the smartly dressed man standing at a urinal. "Excuse me mate, but me and my friend have been arguing over what a smartly dressed fella like you does for a living?" the builder said to the man. Smiling the man replied, "I'm a logical scientist." "A what?" asked the builder. "Let me explain" the man continued, "Do you have a goldfish at home?" A bit puzzled, but intrigued the builder decided to play along, "Yes, I do as it happens." "Well then it's logical to assume that you either keep it in a bowl or a pond. Which is it?" "A pond" the builder replied. "Well then it's logical to assume that you have a large garden." The builder nodded his agreement. So the man continued, "which means it's logical to assume you have a large house." "I have a 6 bedroom house that I built myself." the builder said proudly. "Given that you have such a large house, it's logical to assume that you are married..." The builder nodded again, "Yes, I'm married and we have three children." "Then it's logical to assume that you have a healthy sex life." "Five nights a week!" the builder boasted. The man smiled a little, "Therefore it's logical to assume you don't masturbate often." "Never!" the builder exclaimed. "Well there you have it" the man explained, "That's logical science at work. From finding out that you have a goldfish, I've discovered the size of your garden, all about your house, your family and your sex life!" The builder left, very impressed by the man's talents. On returning to the bar the other builder asked, "I see that smart bloke was in there, did you find out what he does?" "Yeah," replied the first, "He's a logical scientist." "A what?" the puzzled second builder asked. "Let me explain" the first builder continued, "Do you have a goldfish at home?" "No" replied his mate. "Well, you're a wanker then".
|
|
|
Post by naughtyfox on Oct 24, 2020 5:44:13 GMT
Does this count as a joke?
|
|
|
Post by Jim on Oct 24, 2020 7:57:00 GMT
Does this count as a joke? Don't be so judgemental, it takes all sorts...
|
|
|
Joke Time
Oct 24, 2020 18:05:09 GMT
via mobile
Post by thebfg on Oct 24, 2020 18:05:09 GMT
Does this count as a joke? Don't be so judgemental, it takes all sorts... You know what's weird about liquorice? It isn't liquor-ish.
|
|
|
Post by Mr Stabby on Dec 6, 2020 19:26:19 GMT
I've just had to have a mole removed from my penis.
I won't be shagging one of them again.
|
|
|
Post by JohnV on Dec 8, 2020 18:15:20 GMT
Why have all pirates got to self isolate ? Coz the Arrrrrrrr rate has gone up
|
|
|
Post by lollygagger on Dec 10, 2020 11:11:20 GMT
I was on a 'diabetes awareness' website when a pop-up said "do you accept cookies?"
I thought it was trying to catch me out!
|
|
|
Post by naughtyfox on Dec 10, 2020 16:22:44 GMT
My son was sent home from school for swearing today. I said, what did you say? The "C" word. I said it wasn't clever, was it? He said, no it was cunt.
|
|
|
Post by Mr Stabby on Dec 10, 2020 20:43:43 GMT
I went to my doctor for a medical. He said "You need to stop masturbating".
So I said "Why?"
And he said "Because I'm trying to give you a medical".
|
|
|
Joke Time
Dec 10, 2020 20:48:48 GMT
via mobile
Post by Jim on Dec 10, 2020 20:48:48 GMT
I went to my doctor for a medical. He said "You need to stop masturbating". So I said "Why?" And he said "Because you're shaking the stethoscope". " Better now.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Joke Time
Dec 10, 2020 20:56:07 GMT
via mobile
Post by Deleted on Dec 10, 2020 20:56:07 GMT
This is all a bit Bernard Manning.
Which is good.
|
|