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Post by naughtyfox on May 6, 2016 20:02:56 GMT
Squirrel Nutkin ate a meat pie, He thought if this is poisoned I might die, But it was laced with cannabis and so he got high, And off he went to the gay bar to get a lucky guy!
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Post by phil70 on May 7, 2016 7:00:14 GMT
John sank the last of his flagon of Gruntfuttocks finest and settled back in the lounger on the poop deck of the Thunderpunt. This punt was a bit of all right old Flappyshorts had really done well with his new build. He sighed as he watched the final arc of the sun disappear. "Another beautiful day" he muttered " Lets hope this will be the start of a glorious summer of cruising" He stretched and farted "Aaaaaarrrrrrgggghhhh " he shrieked as he headed for the hatchway "I have got to give some thought to changing my favourite tipple" He slammed the gas tight hatch behind him "I wonder if I laid off the pickled squirrels nuts it would help ?" Well, Mr Flappy Shorts Phil and Metal Lady (Metatonia) have been playing with the Thunder Punt on CWDF for a few hours now and its still up, maybe the mods don't visit the unStable Bar. Phil
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Post by JohnV on May 8, 2016 1:44:04 GMT
John closed the hatch to the nuclear fall out shelter on the Thunderpunt with a sigh of relief. He had thought for a while that the Coate Faeries new assistants were going to get him, "I wonder if its misogyny or misogamy that winds them up most" he muttered as he wandered over to the emergency bar (limited range of goods only please note) and pulled himself a flagon of Gruntfuttocks" (self service only please note) He noisily slurped the top inch from the flagon and gaze flitted from the dust on the top of the honesty box, to the dark recesses of the bar where could be seen the stacked hogsheads of Gruntfuttocks and Rusty Rats tail and the dusty ranks of cases of Merlot "Hmmmm" he mused "I wonder if we have sufficient Lemoncello, that idiot drayman thought lemonviola was the same but I think we might have trouble with that". Still all in all things seemed to be on the up, and a good outing on the Thunderpunt was something to look forward to.
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Post by Deleted on May 8, 2016 1:57:57 GMT
Is it true that the coate faeries new assistants are ordering that antipodean rubbish "Forsters" in?
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Post by JohnV on May 8, 2016 7:30:27 GMT
Is it true that the coate faeries new assistants are ordering that antipodean rubbish "Forsters" in? John took that first morning sip of tea and began to run his eye down the 'puter screen .................... There was a sudden explosion and a fountain of tea ............ "Laaaarggerrrr" when he finished coughing and spluttering, he took a deep breath muttered an almost inaudible mantra and then typed "New members are always welcome but you shouldn't cause shocks to the coffin dodgers !!!"
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Post by Deleted on May 8, 2016 8:10:26 GMT
Is it true that the coate faeries new assistants are ordering that antipodean rubbish "Forsters" in? John took that first morning sip of tea and began to run his eye down the 'puter screen .................... There was a sudden explosion and a fountain of tea ............ "Laaaarggerrrr" when he finished coughing and spluttering, he took a deep breath muttered an almost inaudible mantra and then typed "New members are always welcome but you shouldn't cause shocks to the coffin dodgers !!!" The new boy quietly re-enters the bar, back to wall and staying close to the exit, nervously clearing his throat "um sorry bout dat... its just ....um....well you see the gearbox is empty and the weed hatch is clear and um (nervously wipes sweat from brow & starts edging towards the door) I cannot tell what is what anymore" and with a manic scream bolts for the door
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Post by phil70 on May 8, 2016 8:17:37 GMT
The gearbox is empty?? Last time I looked it was full of oil n dogs n thingies, I wonder what's happened to them all, I'd better do some fettling, hmm which hammer to use, it's always a dilemma, the medium one, the big one? Nah lets go for the mahoosive one that will fix anything
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Post by peterboat on May 8, 2016 9:49:42 GMT
Peter and Taff wandered over to the punt skipping and hopping to the beat of the hammer! "Sounds like someone is busy Taff" remarked Peter "wonder if Patti is here yet" Taff perked up remembering the hanbag and assorted goodies that were in it. Peter climbed on board noting the quality of the welding and kicked at the door "anybody home he yelled"...............
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Post by JohnV on May 8, 2016 10:00:13 GMT
John was furtling noisily through the big gear box, rummaging through all of Phil's junk
(All the crappy bits and pieces were Phil's, all the good stuff was John's ......... at least in his eyes)
"Now where the hell has the mahoosive persuader gone" he muttered "I've got the radar arch to fit and it comes with 25mm bolts and I only have a half inch drill bit" he paused while he sucked the blood off a stabbed finger "It'll definitely need the mahoosive hammer to persuade them through those holes"
There was no getting away from it, these two coffin dodgers were the finest bodgers on the waterways
"Hang on he thought, who's that shouting"
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Post by loafer on May 8, 2016 11:13:20 GMT
Loafer pulled up in his newly-acquired punt, deftly leaped from the bow with the bow line. Sadly, it wasn't actually attached to his punt, so he went straight on his arse when trying to pull her to the bank.
'Room for another?' he boomed excitedly, hoping no-one had noticed. 'What's the beer like?'
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Post by JohnV on May 8, 2016 11:51:21 GMT
"Watcheer Loafer" John shouted "got all types in the main bar even" he turned sideways and spat "laargur to wash down curries" He took another huge swing at a worried looking 25mm bolt that had been bashed partway through a much smaller hole, he missed completely and put another dent in the pattern that surrounded the radar arch "Of course" he continued "there is only a limited choice in the nuclear bunker but there is plenty of some old favourites" (by that of course, he meant his own favourite tipple)
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Post by Deleted on May 8, 2016 13:09:38 GMT
Hi ya blokes (the new boys back, no sign of the previous nervous disposition, and dare I say it his colour is back with a hint of a tan) Yeah sorry about all that before, luckily I remembered I had a secret stash by the bridge ole anyway I much back to me old self, its magic what a 2 paper of Humpty Thunder knocked back with a ice cold stella can do to a blokes outlook.
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Post by JohnV on May 8, 2016 14:41:31 GMT
"Stella ! Stella !! Bloody hell Stella !!" John shrank back in horror "Phil, Phil, ........ we've signed up a a a........laargur lout !!!!"
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Post by peterboat on May 8, 2016 14:59:54 GMT
"Dont worry John" said Peter popping his head around the corner "I have brought you a present" Peter handed to John the biggest hammer ever to sort out the bolt! Johns eyes lit up when he saw the hammer "wow" was all he could say..............
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Post by PaulG2 on May 8, 2016 16:22:08 GMT
It was a dark and stormy night...
As if anyone needed proof that current immigration policy and border controls had been completely ineffective in stemming the flood of American refugees that began immediately after Donald Trump was elected President of the United States, there are rumors circulating that a yank was lurking in the shadows, eyeing the Thunderpunt and wondering if he dare enter. He had heard of the legendary punt even in his faraway home of California. But those were in the days before the great darkness descended on that land. Once the darkness came, this stranger did as most refugees from California, and loaded up on as much of the best ganja as he could carry as he began his long sojourn in search of freedom, and the Thunderpunt.
The American often thought about the irony of his long journey. As a Californian, he would much rather be laying in the sun on the beach in Acapulco than hiding under a bridge trying to stay dry. Unfortunately, as soon as Trump was elected the first thing he did was to build an impenetrable wall between Mexico and the US. Americans cheered to see the wall erected, oblivious to the fact that all the illegal Mexicans went back home immediately after Trump was elected. As soon as the wall was constructed, Mexico added a moat on their side and stocked it with alligators, in an obvious signal that Americans wishing to enter Mexico had to do so legally. Not that it mattered, Mexico was giving immigration priority to Americans of Mexican descent and there was no way his Scottish/German arse would be allowed in.
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