Post by Deleted on Aug 2, 2016 8:44:04 GMT
A respected rivers expert has warned that the canals of East London will soon become completely blocked with fads as local hipsters dump their old trends for fresh lifestyle choices.
‘It’s an alarming prospect,’ says Roger Goulash head of the Canal and River Trust. ‘Over the last few years we’ve seen an increase in the amount of hipster fly-tipping in the Hackney water ways. Trends come and go and they have to be discarded somewhere. It started with the odd beanie hat floating in the water but then we had reports of fixie bikes being dredged out of the depths. The other day a colleague pulled out one of those street food vans. We can’t keep up and very soon the canals will be full of once-popular shit.’
As well as being a major cause of pollution the illegal dumping has caused fury among local residents. Mother of 12 Ivy Brutus is one of them.
‘They come down here from Lincolnshire or wherever with their arsehole clothes and ironic dogs and basically piss on our faces. I used to see decent things like shopping trolleys and rubber jonnies in the water but now it’s all bloated pug corpses and sailor tattoos.’
Roger Goulash thinks the problem is here to stay.
‘None of these people can drive so they can’t take their unwanted crapola to the dump. All they can do is throw it into the canal and hope it gets washed away and forgotten about like Nu-Rave.’
Roger is also worried about the impact on local wildlife. ‘I found a dead swan yesterday. It’d choked on a beard.’
‘It’s an alarming prospect,’ says Roger Goulash head of the Canal and River Trust. ‘Over the last few years we’ve seen an increase in the amount of hipster fly-tipping in the Hackney water ways. Trends come and go and they have to be discarded somewhere. It started with the odd beanie hat floating in the water but then we had reports of fixie bikes being dredged out of the depths. The other day a colleague pulled out one of those street food vans. We can’t keep up and very soon the canals will be full of once-popular shit.’
As well as being a major cause of pollution the illegal dumping has caused fury among local residents. Mother of 12 Ivy Brutus is one of them.
‘They come down here from Lincolnshire or wherever with their arsehole clothes and ironic dogs and basically piss on our faces. I used to see decent things like shopping trolleys and rubber jonnies in the water but now it’s all bloated pug corpses and sailor tattoos.’
Roger Goulash thinks the problem is here to stay.
‘None of these people can drive so they can’t take their unwanted crapola to the dump. All they can do is throw it into the canal and hope it gets washed away and forgotten about like Nu-Rave.’
Roger is also worried about the impact on local wildlife. ‘I found a dead swan yesterday. It’d choked on a beard.’
