Post by Tony C on Sept 4, 2020 19:19:32 GMT
I must report that matters have spiralled out of control aboard the good ship Jazz. The voyage is turning into a nightmare at the hands of my boating buddy, who has turned into Captain Bligh and insists on doing unfeasibly long distances each day, that people my age should be legally prevented form attempting. He lies to me.
He told me Fotheringhay to Thrapston was an 'easy run', and here I am 10 hours and numerous locks later, a broken man.
My legs have effectively gone on strike, (at least for this evening), and my quivering hand mercifully has just enough strength left to reach for a beer.
I think I washed the day before yesterday, but in truth I can no longer be sure. The days are turning into an endless grinding cycle of sweat and labour, my working shirt has returned to front line duty, more unpleasant-smelling than ever before, and yet I could not muster the slightest ounce of shame in the queue at the Co-op.
Today we endured 15 miles of cruising and then a 2 mile trudge to the Co-Op and back, and yet my accursed boating buddy shows no sign of fatigue- this devil laughs and jokes the whole time, as if human beings walking a mile to get beer was completely normal.
And as if smelling like I've slept on the streets for a week wasn't enough, the shopping trip included a completely unnecessary SAS-style landing in a tender on a steep muddy bank, which left my clothes muddy as well as smelly, and my shins bruised from vaulting a fence.
Barely ten days ago, my socks used to slide freely from my feet in the evenings. Now my socks peel away reluctantly from my feet, as if wanting to cling on to their unholy union a little longer. They used to be springy, smooth, and fresh- they have become horrid, damp, and claggy things, which my non-functioning nose mercifully prevents me from suffering the smell of.
I'm not sure how much longer this can go on. I may be be able to slip away from my tormenter during the Northampton flight, but if I cannot, I will be hospitalised before we reach Gayton junction.
Make it stop.