Having stepped through John rapidly halted and was unceremoniously dumped on his face by a hefty shove in the back. Oops said Flappy, sorry about that but you were a bit quick on the anchor. What are we doing down here? John sighed, drew himself up and then dusted himself down. John paused and rearranged the straps and buckles on his white canvas jacket. Flappy took advantage of the pause and rearranged his shorts. At last John decided to speak, Well lookee here, we must finish the snagging and be ready to move at a moments notice. Flappy was by now jumping up and down with excitement and squealing too. This was his undoing because Freya, Big Bruiser Barney and the Gravy Stained Cat moved at the speed of light and with one terrifying howl the leapt on Flappy thinking he was an enemy. Flappy was flailing about, his arms and legs moving with prodigious speed as he blocked and parried the combined canine/cat task force. Sadly Patty had trained the critters so well that before long Flappy was pleading for mercy, John stepped in and waved a grubby handkerchief and set about applying numerous sticking plasters to an assortment of wounds on Flappy
'Uwhoooo Uwhooo' and with that calling card Patty arrived on the scene and a sort of order slowly emerged from the heap of dogs/cats and Flappy. Leaving John to administer first aid Patty marshalled her squad into a 2 x2 column. 'Good girls/boys' she said whilst feeding them snackerooos ... few more training sessions like that and they'd be ready for the big offensive against that Red Geezer.......
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Flappy eased his war worn body to the bar and ordered a double Flagon of Gruntfuttocks for both himself and John. Flappy glared at the Cat/Dog combine that sat surrounding Patty, he was unsettled by the Land Shark who sat with Flappy fixed in her gaze. Oscar was bubbling with excitement for the firdt time he had been able to actually bite someone freely. The same applied to the cat brigade too. John spoke in hushed tones not wanting to stir up trouble. Look here Flappy if we play our cards right we can get first dibs on Patty's Persuaders (as the combo team was now called) We must work hard to bring down Big Red this year, the moth eaten old bugger got lucky the last couple of years but that stops now.
Big Barney sat licking his paws...& other bodily parts.He might look stupid but he knew when to listen to Big Red gossip. He'd since looked at a piccy of Big Red & his varied followers & he was ready. Now,where could he find some tuna or some prawns? Dreamies did not really do it for him,so he could only fool some peeps into thinking he was anyone's for them.Now,if only Patty had some tuna or prawns in her bag(🤭),Barney would be in attack mode...
Flappy scratched his head and pondered on the fact that Patty had the beasts in 2x2 formation when it suddenly struck him that indeed the land shark Freya did in fact have a canine companion..... namely Peter's pup, Oscar Soooo the Gravy Stained Cat and Big Barney plus Freya and Oscar formed the Patty's 4 legged platoon and were indeed a force to be reckoned with. Flappy approached Patty and asked if there was anything she needed, Patty merely held up her empty Merlot glass, Flappy sighed and filled her glass from a endless supply from the bar thingy, on his tab of course. So now to business tell me what is needed to turn the rag tag force into a 1st class fighting machine, Patty said "it's simple, Tuna, Dreamies, and shed loads of dog food Flappy considered this and then nodded his head in agreement, a rousing cheer came from the canines and felines who then clamoured around with their feeding bowls. Flappy was feeling exhausted, it had been a long time since his little brain had worked so hard so he decided to take a power nap in the corner of the unstable Bar. It didn't take long before the air was filled with the sound of Flappy softly snoring Mrs BB and Patty looked on and together said "Aw bless"
Flappy awoke with an uneasy feeling washing over him. He sat up and knuckled his eyes then looked around. 4 pairs of eyes bored into him and he realised he might be in trouble with Patty's Persuaders, thy were patiently waiting for FOOD a flash of memory popped into Flappy's head, oh he remembered the solomn oath he had given to Patty, yes it was time to bring out the Tuna, Dreamies and shed loads of Dog Food Phew!! That was a close thing, at least the beasts will be satisfied for a while. Flappy got together with John while they decided what form of attack they employ this year, The gruesome twosome decided to retain the Holman Projecters also the Punt Gun oh and they thought it expedient to keep the mini guns and finally the Rail Gun. There was a big but though, how to get Big Red in their sights. Flappy said that they needed to slow him down. Flappy had a bright idea and set about devising a Slow Santa Service Tool. There was much clanging and banging together with a lot of phezzing along with showers of Sparks as Flappy showed off his welding skills. The idea was simply a ground anchor attached to the sledge by a long cable which would not stop Santa but slow him right down and make him an easy target. What do you reckon John?
Patty wondered if she ought to update Flappy on her squads preferred food choices... namely steak n smoked salmon, but then decided maybe it was best if the instant obedience treats remained her secret... She watched the awesome construction materialising under Flappys DIY skills and pondered as to whether it would actually work Pondering being thirsty business she ordered another Merlot on Flappys tab......
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Patty wondered if she ought to update Flappy on her squads preferred food choices... namely steak n smoked salmon, but then decided maybe it was best if the instant obedience treats remained her secret... She watched the awesome construction materialising under Flappys DIY skills and pondered as to whether it would actually work Pondering being thirsty business she ordered another Merlot on Flappys tab...of course...
Right you lot, this week we only have to have one good push and it's goodnight Vienna to big Red. Patty how is the canine/feline brigade of storm troopers oh and as you might need a hand perhaps Mrs BB could take charge of the Punt gun. John will take charge of the Holman Projectors while I will tend to the mini guns and with a bit of luck we can get Peter to take care of the ground anchor without which the whole plan will go down the gurgle. So heads up and let's do this thing. (maybe we should have a little livener first, this will give the Coate Faerie time to get himself sorted)
Did someone mention a little drinkipoos ??😁🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻 A bucket or two of Rusty Rats Tail please. Me in charge of a punt gun with my eyesight...there'll be a lot of postboxes,old phone boxes & red cars with bullet holes.😳
Patty didn't think BB and a Punt Gun would end well.... However her 4 legged reconnaissance team were primed and ready to go.... She sat supping a rather fine Merlopt and wondered what Flappy's grand plan would be and whether she should take over now or later.......
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Flappy was sitting amid a heap of empty flagon when he suddenly stood up and shout at the top of his voice OH POO!!! What with all the birthday greetings flying around and all the best wishes for Christmas being swopped I'd forgotten all about Big Red and now there is not a chance in hell of us being able to catch him, huh another Xmas failure, Patty stand the canines and felines, down, Mrs BB hand back the Punt gun, and no arguing please (assume you will need a top up)
Patty quietly, without fuss confiscated the Punt Gun With all the festivities(alcohol) she didn't want that going off... anyway she wanted to have a few training sessions with the squad post this time of Merriment. Delving into her bag she distributed gifts to all her friends .. 2 and 4 legged, in fact she thought she could almost be... Patty Ann Claus ... wow who needed Santa?
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John, wrapped in an old duvet sipped a large flagon of hot blackcurrent and lemon, reinforced with honey and a very large glug of 100 proof rum, watched as the flames died in the fireplace as all his drawings and plans to defeat Big Red turned to ashes. "Life is sometimes not fair" he thought "with everything else going on in the world, this should have been the ideal time to sneak up and nobble Big Red" H sighed and sipped his drink, as the warming glow spread through him he thought "Ah well, there is always next year and anyway there is the new summer adventure to plan!"
the biggest disadvantage of age .... is that you can't outgrow it
Flappy perked up at the mention of a summer adventure and giving his shorts a vigorous brushing down set to with his clip board (Xmas prezzie from Mrs Flappy) He extracted his indelible pencil stub from his pocket, licked the lead and labouriously began to write Heading..., Summer Adventure Sub heading.... Open for the moment Ideas, a cruise in the Thunder Punt Re-engine the Thunder Punt, will have to speak to John to see if he has any offerings ie perhaps some ex British rail turbo diesels that he might have hanging about. My idea is of course to continue with electric power but recognise the fact the need for some axillary back up power unit, sadly the days of the mighty Lister seem to be drawing to a close, however, we shall see.