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Post by phil70 on Mar 11, 2017 21:31:27 GMT
Phil had beetled off home for some extra weaponry and because of the pressing urgency Phil loaded everything onto his trusty tandem tricycle. With indecent haste and with complete disregard for the rules of the road Flappy made his way back to the unStable Bar(across the road) Reaching John, Phil was dismayed to find the whole place littered with craters as John fought valiently to hold off the ever growing number of creaking, clanking crocodiles. Phil couldn't help wondering where Metal Lady was when she was needed. Without further ado Phil unveiled his favourite weapon......The Chain Gun (as wielded by Nemesis in Phil's bestest film) With a magazine the size of a small truck Phil braced himself, closed his eyes and let loose. The World disappeared in a cacophony of sound, the noise made by the spent cartridge cases themselves was deafening as they clattered to the ground, the roar of the constant multiple detonations' from the guns spinning muzzles,blocked out all,other sounds.. nothing else existed, it was as if time itself had stopped. Phil waved the awesome weapon around like a demented hose pipe as he wreaked awful retribution upon the now defunct crocodiles. Finally the smoking gun fell silent, John could at last look up and Phil opened his eyes. The gruesome twosome gasped at the sight of their surroundings which had changed beyond all recognition, where there were once trees, matchwood replaced them, buildings were reduced to rubble, the only thing that escaped unscathed was in fact the Bar
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Post by patty on Mar 11, 2017 22:01:41 GMT
"gosh' says Patty refilling her glass.."flappy and John have their work curt out.....trouble is" she said,,,,"disturbing land as they have allows for the dam Japanese invader to regrow..mark my words they'll rue the day they used all that firepower:...men"...she tutted....."They'll reap wot they sew"..... She sighed, maybe she'd have to go and sort them out...she'd have a ponder....
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Post by peterboat on Mar 12, 2017 0:00:28 GMT
Peter filled another glass with Mer;ot and thought giving Patty this vinyard had been one of his bestist ideas Shame lemonchellow didnt grow on trees he thought..........................
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Post by JohnV on Mar 12, 2017 7:59:13 GMT
Phil was sitting on his bar stool, gazing morosely at the devastation surrounding him. John patted his old friend on the shoulder "Don't worry old friend, I think Patty has a meadow next to her place, we can pop over there and gather lots of seeds from all those lovely quick growing plants she has". He gazed round at the surroundings "Mark you, with no undergrowth nothing will be able to sneak up on us" He turned back to his friend "And don't fret about demolishing the old place, it's only been a haunt of spiders and ghosts since the great exodus"
He received another flagon of Gruntfuttock's from the bar person thingy, who was looking quite fetching in a tin hat and full body armour. He slurped some of his ale, still eyeing with speculation the new view from the bar. " Y'know if we planted that area, that gets the full sunshine with grapevines and that other big patch over there with hops, we might be able to cut down on the overheads of running this place"
Mole carefully closed the heavily armoured hatch over his main entrance tunnel and scurried back along the corridor to the grand hall. Removing his radiation suit's helmet he gazed round at the crowded assembly of woodland creatures. "Well" he began "It doesn't seem to have been the big one, there is no evidence for the use of nuclear weaponry but we may have to be careful of depleted uranium armour piercing rounds. There is a lot of mechanical parts lying around so it might have been a kind of rise of the machines. We will need to be cautious as there is very little cover and I didn't see the body of the Gravy Stained Cat" At this pronouncement the mouse tribe began squeaking furiously, their hopes for the end of their nemesis well and truly dashed
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Post by phil70 on Mar 14, 2017 1:19:56 GMT
Phil heeded John's words and headed for Petty's place, he wandered around the back and successfully negotiated the mounds of rubble and general building detritus. Gaining the back fence he commenced to climb over into the farmers field, an easy task for most people but not so easy for the inept (this was never going to end well) Reaching the top of the fence it began to creak and wobble in a most alarming fashion, cling astride the fence with one foot on the arris rail found Phil plummeting to the ground still astride the fence. Phil picked himself up ans surveyed the now demolished fence and thought "well thats another little job for Patty to tackle" Phil then proceeded to set about collecting seed from the lush, fast growing vegetation so he could plant up the recently devastated ground around the unStable Bar
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Post by patty on Mar 14, 2017 7:08:25 GMT
Phil having collected assorted seeds gave his attention to the strange root that snaked its way hugging surface of the land, every so often he spied a crown like mould bursting with spring promise where tentacles of the plant stretched below the surface leeching nourishment from deep within earths core. He diligently dug up several mounds and carefully carried them with attached serpent coils to transplant into fertile soil surrounding the bar..... Patty watched the web cam.... "what a plonker(actually what she said was somewhat stronger but mindful this could be family forum restrained herself)......ah well there's none so daft as those truly touched as Granny glad used to say" she informed a bemused Peter. "mark my words", she said..warming to her theme...."He'll rue the day he sewed roots of wrath within the land....I had stopped the invader..nay(getting out a soap box she climbed on) I had driven them back to land beyond "Patty's Place".....
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Post by peterboat on Mar 14, 2017 8:35:08 GMT
Peter decided action was needed so he opened another bottle and poured them both a large one Patty calmed down from talk of a nuclear strike and more to a large raging fire! A few more bottles of this and she would be fine, he then thought of how to get lemons to grow with no need of vodka to turn them into lemonchello..............................
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Post by phil70 on Mar 20, 2017 22:30:03 GMT
Flappy had been missing from the bar for a while but eventually returned, his hands and arms covered in assorted sticking plasters (band aids in memory of Paul) Flappy wore clothing which was to say the least, tattered and torn and an expression that said " make mine a large one.....quick" Aware that all eyes were on him and an unspoken question hung on everyone's lips Phil decided to come clean. Clearing his throat and drawing a deep breath Phil proclaimed " new puppy" Apparently Mrs Phil was bearing the same scars inflicted by the Pocket Rocket, it was only 8 weeks old and tiny, being part Chihuahua but what it lacked in stature he made up for it in truly frantic energy, it was like a hyper active kid who had ODd on sugar and E numbers and was equipped with needle like teeth and tiny claws to match, yes Dexter was a force to be reckoned with. Dexter spends his time eating, sleeping and when awake creating mayhem, which he has got down to a fine art. The ray of hope on the horizon is that puppies eventually grow up.
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Post by patty on Mar 21, 2017 6:52:38 GMT
'Brill' said Patty...'a new guard dog for TB and a new companion to come on out adventures'.....she hastily checked her handbag for those all important scoobie snacks to form a bond with Dexter....maybe one day she'd find another forever friend but in the meantime she'd make sure that all those in the bar knew who kept the yummy goodies......Taff and the gravy stained cat watched with interest as she found them tasty treats......
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Post by peterboat on Mar 21, 2017 8:46:58 GMT
Taff had two buddies jasmine a chihuahua who thought she was a rottie and bowser a french bulldog who was as thick as a brick whose life was full of wonder! Mainly because he always thought that everything he saw was for playing with. Taff missed them but then patty gave him a treat and all was well in his world.
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Post by loafer on Mar 21, 2017 19:27:52 GMT
Loafer wheezed into the bar. 'Bugger', he said. 'The missus is starting to make noises about having a new galley. It was the bloody GALLEY that made her want the sodding boat. Now I have to consider whether to spend upwards of a suitcase full of cash for some rough-handed types making our lives misery, or risk another shower-grouting incident.
'Should I a: Spend the cash b: Do it myself c: Just tell her it can't be done and get back to my PS3.
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Post by JohnV on Mar 21, 2017 19:36:43 GMT
John looked up from his (well earned) flagon of Gruntfuttocks "Hmmmm" he thought "If he thinks I'm daft enough to advise on matrimonial matters he's got another think coming" He took another enormous slurp of his foaming tankard "Wot Ho Loafer, how's tricks ? Have you moved out of the cratch yet?" He grinned and chortled at his own wit. "Fancy a pint ?"
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Post by peterboat on Mar 22, 2017 16:32:31 GMT
Peter thought back to the kitchen fitting of the last year and shivered he thought better of giving loafer advice and had a large slurp of lemonchello............
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Post by Trina on Mar 22, 2017 16:58:22 GMT
Mrs BB shook her head sadly & took another swig from her bucket of Rusty Rats Tail.Poor Loafer still hasn't twigged that whatever he does,he'll still be wrongπ.
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Post by patty on Mar 22, 2017 18:25:14 GMT
Patty considered Loafers choices and concluded that he was on a hiding to nothing.... all men needed to learn was simples..... just say..... "whatever you think is best dear".. he should know theres no other choice.... She poured herself another large glass of Merlot to ponder men's lot in life...and concluded was best to be a female...life so much easier when you just knew who was in control..
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