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Post by Saltysplash on Nov 12, 2016 9:12:06 GMT
A husband and wife who worked for the circus went to an adoption agency.
Social workers there raised doubts about their suitability.
The couple produced photos of their 45-foot motor home, which was clean, well maintained and equipped with a beautiful bedroom for the child.
The social workers raised concerns about the education a child would receive while in the couple's care.
"We've arranged for a full-time tutor who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin and computer skills."
The social workers expressed concern about a child being raised in a circus environment.
"Our nanny is a certified expert in paediatric care, welfare, and diet.
In addition, there are 17 other children who travel with their circus parents."
The social workers were finally satisfied.
They asked, "What age child are you hoping to adopt?"
"It doesn't really matter, as long as the kid fits into the cannon."
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Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2016 10:26:10 GMT
Boom boom
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Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2016 10:36:53 GMT
A criminal investigation is underway after the discovery of around a dozen dogs apparently dumped, wandering around in a park.
When asked about the progress by a local reporter police constable PC Dickinson said "We still have no leads"
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Post by PaulG2 on Nov 12, 2016 14:45:36 GMT
A man is walking through the park when he notices another man sitting on a bench with his dog laying on the ground next to him, licking his balls.
"I wish I could do that." says the first man.
The dog's owner looks up and says, "Give him a treat and he'll let you."
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Post by Andyberg on Nov 12, 2016 15:31:23 GMT
I had to give up my job as a taxi driver...
I got pissed off with all my customers talking behind my back!
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Post by naughtyfox on Nov 12, 2016 16:09:56 GMT
Rabid jokes (geddit??!!):
I used to go out with a Welsh girl who had 36DDs. It was a ridiculously long name.
Just got back from visiting a lovely little place in Wales; Lloysthwycyyrigridarbrewwthh... sorry there was a hair in my mouth. I went to Swansea.
Welsh is a language invented by someone who was shit at scrabble.
My wife made the allegation "I think you've had an affair with that Welsh tart, from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch". I said, "How can you say such a thing?"
I went back to the 1970's in a time machine yesterday. I say a time machine, I mean the 18:15 from Paddington to Cardiff.
Whereas in certain countries men have been known to put their women on a pedestal, in Wales they've put her on their National Flag.
In light of the fact that Catherine Zeta-Jones-Douglas has truly become part of Hollywood, the Welsh film industry has decided to step up production. They plan to remake many well known films but with a Welsh flavour to them. The following are some planned for release next year....
9 ½ Leeks Trefforest Gump Cwmando The Lost Boyos An American in Powys Huw Dares Gwyneth Dai Hard The Wizard of Oswestry Sheepless in Seattle The Eagle has Llandudno The Magnificent Severn Haverfordwest Was Won Austin Powys The Magic Rhonddabout
I wonder if they'll post them on Ewe Tube.
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Post by kris on Nov 12, 2016 16:41:09 GMT
Maybe this thread should be called "crap joke time"
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Post by Mr Stabby on Nov 12, 2016 16:43:26 GMT
Rabid jokes (geddit??!!): I used to go out with a Welsh girl who had 36DDs. It was a ridiculously long name. Just got back from visiting a lovely little place in Wales; Lloysthwycyyrigridarbrewwthh... sorry there was a hair in my mouth. I went to Swansea. Welsh is a language invented by someone who was shit at scrabble. My wife made the allegation "I think you've had an affair with that Welsh tart, from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch". I said, "How can you say such a thing?" I went back to the 1970's in a time machine yesterday. I say a time machine, I mean the 18:15 from Paddington to Cardiff. Whereas in certain countries men have been known to put their women on a pedestal, in Wales they've put her on their National Flag. In light of the fact that Catherine Zeta-Jones-Douglas has truly become part of Hollywood, the Welsh film industry has decided to step up production. They plan to remake many well known films but with a Welsh flavour to them. The following are some planned for release next year.... 9 ½ Leeks Trefforest Gump Cwmando The Lost Boyos An American in Powys Huw Dares Gwyneth Dai Hard The Wizard of Oswestry Sheepless in Seattle The Eagle has Llandudno The Magnificent Severn Haverfordwest Was Won Austin Powys The Magic Rhonddabout I wonder if they'll post them on Ewe Tube. My girlfriend said "Talk dirty to me in Welsh" so I said "Prestatyn".
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Post by Mr Stabby on Nov 12, 2016 16:49:00 GMT
When I was on the Pontcysyllte aqueduct I got talking to a Welshman.
He said "You see that field down by yurr?"
So I said "Yes".
He said "the first time I had sex was in that field".
I said "What? You had sex in that field?"
He said "Yes, I had sex in that field, and her mother was watching".
I said "What? You had sex in that field and her mother was watching?? Well, what did her mother say???!
And he said "She said Baaaaaaa!"
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Post by Delta9 on Nov 12, 2016 18:46:47 GMT
A family walks into a hotel and the father goes to the front desk and he says "I hope the porn is disabled." The guy at the desk replies. "It's just regular porn you sick fuck."
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Post by naughtyfox on Nov 12, 2016 19:07:27 GMT
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Post by naughtyfox on Nov 12, 2016 19:08:53 GMT
(I found that on Google by asking for: 'thunderboat compost toilet')
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Post by PaulG2 on Nov 12, 2016 19:08:59 GMT
At an antiques auction in Leeds, a wealthy American announced that he had lost his wallet containing £5,000, and he would give a reward of £50 to the person who found it. From the back of the hall a Yorkshire voice shouted, "I'll give £100!"
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Post by kris on Nov 12, 2016 19:43:53 GMT
Oh go on then if you can't beat them
What's the difference between an eisteddfod and a yoghurt?
It takes a live culture to make a yoghurt
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Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2016 19:55:39 GMT
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on."
The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now."
The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mother was talking about her side of the family."
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