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Post by phil70 on Jul 24, 2021 22:30:54 GMT
Meanwhile Flappy was still dogged by his nemises and was seeking ways to rid himself of the feline freeloader. A germ of an idea crept into his head....... Dreamies!!! Flappy just needed a bit of help and he knew just the fellow..... John. Flappy reached the top secret hidey hole where he knew John would be, he gained this knowledge from a passing boy scout who had been taking his dogging badge and saw John disappear into the ground. Flappy called John on his nearly mobile phone but failed to connect due to the Faraday cage so he decided to mess with the air intake and the exhaust too. In a surprisingly short time John came up from the depths puffing and wheezing. Wot o John... I need a bit of help. John sighed and agreed on the proviso that strict secrecy was maintained. Flappy gave John a packet of Dreamies and instructed him to lay a trail beck to the Bar and leave the packet there. The ploy was to wake the slumbering incumbent cat and throw a dreamie down onto the trail and then as the cat took off Flappy and John would leg it back down the hole in the ground. So with a deep breath John launched the primer Dresmie while Flappy gave the Gravy Stained Cat a bit of a nudge and away it went gobbling up Dreamies at a rate of knots. The gruesome twosome ran to John's hidey hole and dived for cover.
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Post by JohnV on Jul 26, 2021 5:39:00 GMT
Flappy looked around the tiny room, puzzled by the size and the bareness ...... there were two doors and he made a move to one but John stopped him. He reached over and pressed the light switch (which Flappythought very strange as the lights had come on as soon as they entered) then he realised the whole room was a lift and they were going down ...... very fast !!! suddenly he felt his weight increase and they came smoothly to a halt. Flappy was totally astonished this was a quantum leap in engineering from anything John had ever bodged before.... He turned to John "How did you when did you why did you......." he tapered off looking around in amazement. John grinned at his best mucker, "I didn't .... I've only been lent the use of the facility in exchange for helping the time police"
He led Flappy over to a couple of comfortable looking chairs "two flagons of Gruntfuttocks please" he said to the wall ..... which suddenly extruded an arm with a tray on which stood two foaming flagons of the gruesome twosomes favourite beverage. He flopped into one of the chairs and took one of the flagons. "It seems our Peter has been a very naughty boy and has been gaily screwing up the space time contisomething " He slurped some Gruntfuttocks "They built this ....... backwards base, I suppose you should call it ..... it's semi automatic and proof against any technology that Peter has been able to pinch as it comes from some ridiculous time in the future.
He looked proudly at Flappy "They needed a local expert on this primitive society so they asked me" Flappy looked at John quizically "More like they needed a primitive eejit to help them see how locals would react" he thought to himself.
In a distant galaxy far far away two figures in front of a view screen turned to one another "this second one seems a bit brighter than the first" he thought to the other "he does indeed" thought the other one back "they work well together maybe we should utilise both to repair the damage done"
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Post by peterboat on Jul 26, 2021 23:05:11 GMT
The drone showed Peter what john was doing, Peter was involved in sorting out the production of Rusty Rats tail so told the drone to sort it. The drone decided to bring back some tech from the future, it decided the robot worm was best suited for the job and immediately it ported one in then another then another maybe one more for luck it decided. Within seconds they were burrowing merrily down with orders to bring John back, about half an hour later they appeared with both John and flappy trapped in the liquid metal that the worms where made of, both were screaming and shouting, hitting out with hammers which was a waste of time as the metal just absorbed the hits. within seconds the worms with John and Flappy were transported to the future where no humans existed anymore............................The drones were the dominant life on future earth. The drone reported that John and flappy were ok and did he need anything else sorting out? Peter gave it a list of things he needed to finish his brewery before the gurls woke up from their latest session, the drone wisked off to collect the list and port them to Peter. What Peter didnt know was that the drone was sent to clear up problems on earth to avoid the massive war that eradicated all life, Peter porting it back had been a stroke of luck, the drone had a list of humans to port back to the future, which it would do whilst collecting the odds and sods that Peter wanted. Peter was mildly surprised when Mrs May was ported in and then was replaced by the boiler he really wanted, he mused that they were both boilers he thought, but only one was any use as he connected up the pipes
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Post by patty on Jul 27, 2021 5:53:45 GMT
Patty was not very sure what was happening with all these drones buzzing about, She decided that before she hitched a ride to where ever she'd engage in target practise and duly retrieved dads ole front loader from where it'd been stashed..... The White Wolf could learn 'fetch'......
The air resounded with an explosion as the front loader exploded and the drone 'seeing' the risk had teleported Patty out of danger back to the future where she found her friends Somehow time and space continuum had been messed with and the past, present and future all in deadly danger. This presented a challenge worthy of the Unstable Bar Gang...time for action.... There parked in front of Patty was a .........DeLorean Car......
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Post by JohnV on Jul 27, 2021 7:06:00 GMT
In the distant galaxy far far away the two figures gazed in fascination as Patty stepped into the Delorean and closed the gull wing. "She's the one" they both thought at one another at the same time
They reported to the HC that they had finally found a particularly inteligent member of the primitive species on planet 1321 that they could instruct in the sabotage of the development of the drones of Earth.
There had been a stalemate in the war against the drones for several millenia but they still presented a major threat to all life in the universe and the HCCOUSAGD (High Command Council of United Species Against Drones ...... better known as HC) Some moronic Earthman had decided to prevent a possible war by developing a self programming, self evolving mechanical machine, Of course once it attained a level of self awareness it decided that biological life was not needed anymore and set out among the planets to destroy all life other that mechanoid.
Now finally they had an agent with sense in that primitive culture, with their own time machine. All they needed to do was convince her to plant the new program into the master drone at the correct moment in time.
The two strange figures presented their plan to HC for approval. First displaying the replica device that would keep Peter under control ..... this was a strange looking creture called a Hugo which had the ability to distract Peter at any moment if not directly then by activating the Taff device (a slightly bigger and hairier creature) To encourage the Patty to plant the program they showed a large heap of interesting looking things that would come in useful one day, that apparently she collected in a "handbag"
After a short delay approval was granted. From then everything occurred at breakneck speed, (after all with mastery of time this was simples) the replica Hugo and Taff were substituted with the Taff running after every moving thing it saw and barking madly. The Hugo kept running in front and tripping up Peter when he was shouting "Stop that Taff" at the top of his voice. Patty, handbag bulging at the seams, landed the Delorean next to the master drone just before it achieved self awareness and inserted the memory card into the correct spot. She then reappeared next to John and Flappy and bundled them into the car. The Delorean then inserted itself perfectly into the parking spot freshly painted "Patty Only" outside the Unstable Bar where a rather quiet Hugo and Taff were sniffing about. All around they could hear the sound of drones crashing to earth as the effects of the Hari Kiri code Patty had placed in the master drone spread through time and space.
Patty smiled and locked the Delorean, those strange people from a galaxy far far away had been very reluctant to leave her the Delorean but had finally agreed providing it's time travelling range was severely restricted especially in the forward direction.
And Peter ..... ah well Peter had been on his way to Capri when suddenly his transportation device turned into a snickers bar and he dropped several feet landing with a thump. Yes it was Capri but the date was 1499 not 2099 as he had intended ....... this was going to be an interesting time for Peter as this was the start of the second and third Italian wars.
How long he was going to be stuck here would depend entirely on how vindictive Patty was feeling ..... after all she was now in possesion of the one and only time travel device.
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Post by peterboat on Jul 27, 2021 7:55:37 GMT
Bugger thought Peter he checked the internal device and it was working fine this one was the one planted inside his wrist to stop Patty stealing it, he was going to travel back but realised a cunning plan could be had...................
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Post by JohnV on Jul 27, 2021 8:17:52 GMT
What Peter had failed to realise was that his implant had also been doctored by those strange figures on a galaxy far far away .... yes it worked but was very limitied in how far it could jump, just like the Delorean but his could only jump backwards in time and only 10 years at a time !!!
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Post by peterboat on Jul 27, 2021 9:01:33 GMT
John turned on the news in the Unstable bar, seconds later he was spluttering into his Grintfuttocks, no he said that cant be right, he googled and found it was. Flappy asked "wots wrong?"John said "look at this" showing Flappy the phone, oh they said as Patty was looking over his shoulder whilst emptying his pockets, "Peter owns the world" exclaimed Patty" "it would seem so" said John wondering how he had got back and where were Taff and Hugo he thought. "Bugger" he exclaimed "the dogs have teleporters as well built into their collars thats how he has done it those blood dogs"! Patty was looking for the white wolf the one Peter had kindly given a new collar to "MMMMM" she growled then brightened up "Merlot forever" she yelled
Meanwhile in a Galaxy far far away the beings were wondering why nothing worked anymore since Hugo had visited , it would appear that the beings had been neutralized by Hugo weeing over the electronics being ethereal they couldnt repair the faults so were trapped never knowing what was happening ever again. Peter chuckled as he enjoyed his new position of owning Earth. It was Johns fault he had allowed peter unlimited access to the worlds wealth whilst it wasnt worth much, so Peter had teleported all over the place collecting it and had bought all the countries at a knockdown rate, peace perfik peace he though,t especially when they realised fossil fuels had ceased to exist as well, banned in 1958 to save the world......................
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Post by JohnV on Jul 27, 2021 14:20:56 GMT
there was a knock on the door, Peter opened it and was snatched, hooded, bundled into a transporter and found himself stark naked in a tiny bare cell, a small scar on his wrist where his transporter had been removed. He peered through the tiny high window and he could just make out the sign "Time Crime will get you Time"
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Post by patty on Jul 27, 2021 14:43:43 GMT
Meanwhile Patty had invited the girls to take a joyride in her DeLorean.... She did wonder whether to rescue Peter, then decided later would do
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Post by peterboat on Jul 27, 2021 17:04:16 GMT
As the owner of the world Peter didnt answer doors that was down to the robots, they all looked like Peter and had small thermo nuclear devices in them, apparently the Time Police HQ doesnt exist anymore when the robot exploded. Peter made a note to upgrade his new robots to terminators to stop a repeat of the kidnapping, those liquid metal jobbies were very nasty when riled
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Post by metanoia on Jul 27, 2021 17:55:01 GMT
"Clang!, gang!!"
MetalWoman was in a distant galaxy far, far away making gooseberry jam when suddenly the Green Jam Dragon appeared with a sage and sound warning......
What ARE we wasting so much time and energy for?!
Between us lot we must possess the finest and largest collection of hammers the world has never seen. Think about it - hammers v robots......
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Post by JohnV on Jul 27, 2021 18:20:20 GMT
That was the answer, all over the world could be heard the clang of hammers against robot. All of a sudden Peter was without mechanical servants and judging the angry armed group surrounding him, was getting low on friends.
Hugo and Taff were well aware that change was in the air and had taken refuge with the Gravy Stained Cat. The Coate Faerie had been attracted out of retirement to bring Peter into some sort of order. The list of fines to be charged would soon sort out this business of Peter owning everything. Any more of that malarky and he might find himself suddenly trapped in a single thread with only the Fox to gnaw at his heels.
Lemomcello had been permanently removed from the drinks list in the Bar and anyone attempting to alter time was threatened with banishment back to that lonely and spider infested ruin in t'other place that shall not be named.
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Post by metanoia on Jul 27, 2021 18:23:36 GMT
... and to think that for the want of a hammer our world could have been lost ....
Clanging hell!
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Post by JohnV on Jul 28, 2021 6:45:06 GMT
The Coate Faerie had been hard at work most of the night, he had successfully corrected almost all of the chaos that Peter had created. Correcting Peters distortion of world order, of course was no problem, after all financial chicanery was in his DNA. Back taxes, fines for late payment, compound interest back to the 15th century ? a stroll in the park for him. Peter was now successfully reduced to (comparitive) impecunity.
There was just one thing that was causing him some problems, the pretty Italian waitress. Sorting out her back wages and travel to Capri, plus expenses and suitable compensation was no problem but it seemed she didn't wish to go back. This was proving to be a thorny problem especially over the edict that certain Italian drinks were permanently banned in the bar. He sipped his Strega and then tasted the freshly made demi tasse of Lavazza espresso intenso and leaned back in his chair puzzling. In the bar, the Bar Person Thingy was polishing glasses before putting them on the shelf when the sudden loud shout of "Eureka" caused his head to jerk violently sideways and wobble alarmingly. The Coate Faerie was ecstatic, he loved solving such thorny problems and this one especially. "There's a spelling error" he gleefully chanted ! He was right ! Lemomcello was permanently banned from the bar but Lemo ncello wasn't mentioned ! The Bar Person Thingy had now aquired an assistant and he had ensured a continuing supply of excellent Italian coffee.
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