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Post by phil70 on Jun 8, 2016 10:27:59 GMT
Being an idiot Phil was well used to thinking on his feet and so he drew on his Ninja training ( a distance learning course headed by a Mr Mazdamoter of Japan) With supreme effort and mind control Phil was able to draw his vulnerable"bits" up inside his body, the restraing noose dropped free and in a flash Phil had it away on his toes WHOOOOSH!! and he was gone. All he had to do now was locate his doppelganger who was lost in space
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Post by phil70 on Jun 8, 2016 20:08:46 GMT
Phil having escaped the clutches of the girls (snigger) made his way to the Thunder Punt, he had of course detoured to get some clothes. So wearing his second best shorts Phil boarded the Thunder Punt and headed to the comms room. Phil had a plan, simply to use a reverse GPS tracker to follow the way points back to his doppelganger, of course his plan did involve "borrowing" the Thunder Punt but Phil was sure it would be OK. Phil fired up the mighty Lister and engaged the twin ZPMs and started the jump to hyerspace, having set in the waypoints all Phil had to do was wait...... Meanwhile doppelganger Phil had managed to reverse the spacecraft and was heading on a collision course for the punt. Taff could sense impending doom and reacted by releasing another green noxious cloud
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Post by peterboat on Jun 8, 2016 20:55:11 GMT
Taff had managed to clear the bar with his green fart!! "I dont know if this is the real Taff I mean look at him the real one had long hair all over his body and didnt make smells like that!!" At this point Peter realised he was talking to himself as all had scarpered outside. Peter went out and could see Taff pointing at the sky and making howling noises...............
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Post by PaulG2 on Jun 8, 2016 22:22:12 GMT
As collision warning lights and sirens began blaring on the comm deck of Thunderpunt, Phil contemplated his impending doom, and what could be done to prevent it. Phil suddenly recalled his studies of quantum physic, and the theory that, if the spaceship were unobserved, it would change from Matter to energy.
He had to think of a way to get those on earth to quite staring up into the sky. If only someone on earth had seen the same Discovery shows as him and knew how quantum physics worked. Phil worked frantically to send a message back to the men on earth. If the spaceship reverted to pure energy, the collision would be harmless and the Phils would be one again.
Back on earth, Phil's signal had been received and the men all ordered fresh lemonchelos to aid in the planning of strategy. They realized that, if they wanted to save Taff, they would have to propel him to within transporter distance of the Thunderpunt. Their only hope was to shoot Taff from the badly damaged Thundergun. Peter and John headed to the yogurt pot to retrieve the badly damaged Thundergun, whilst Paul searched around for materials to fabricate a capsule to enclose Taff.
The men ordered another round of lemonchelo, on Phil's tab, and eyed the badly damaged Thundergun on the work table in front of them.
"This is going to take a very big hammer", said Peter.
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Post by peterboat on Jun 10, 2016 9:26:41 GMT
Peter had been hard at work collecting all the stuff for the repair big hammer and lots of jublee clips to hold the barrel together. "We only get one shot at this Taff so its got to hold" Taff looked doubtful but went along with it. As time went on Taff was shrinking so clearly the shot had to be made fast before he disappeared altogether!!................
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Post by PaulG2 on Jun 11, 2016 16:41:24 GMT
Paul appeared with a small dust bin he had nicked from the now closed and deserted Unstable Bar. "I think we can adapt this to space flight." he said. "A couple jubilee clips and some duct tape and this will make a splendid space capsule for Taff."
"Yanks and their bloody duct tape," Peter quietly muttered, "how did they ever accomplish anything before duct tape came along?"
Taff, meanwhile, watched all the activity with blissful interest, not really understanding what it all meant for him......
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Post by phil70 on Jun 11, 2016 20:05:07 GMT
Phil stood whimpering on the space craft flight deck, impending doom was staring him in the face and to make matters worse Taff had just farted again. The Thunder Punt was approaching at sub light speed with the other Phil at the helm. The Phil's were now in comms range and thus it was that they arrived at a shit or bust solution. Simply just give both vehicles the nuts and hope that no one was looking. The sound of klaxons and assorted warning alarms was now deafening, the moment of finality was only seconds away, the two Phil's could see each other and they were both praying that nobody was watching KERPOW!!! For a split second they both ceased to exist when a huge surge of energy worked it's magic and the meld was complete. Phil was once again entire, there only remained the issue of Taff but Phil knew that the lads had a plan. With that thought in mind Phil spun the helm and began to retrace his course back through time and space to the unStable Bar .
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Post by JohnV on Jun 11, 2016 20:22:52 GMT
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Post by peterboat on Jun 11, 2016 20:22:52 GMT
Taff had caught on to what the bin meant ans was laughing at how naive they were. He weighed 35 kilos dry and that small bin wasnt going to fit him!! "Taff" said John Taff turned and John zapped him with the minituriser, seconds later Taff was in the bean tin that Peter was hiding behind his back!! Loaded in to the canon and pointed skywards with 10 pounds of high explosives ready to do their stuff. Taff whimpered as he heard light the touch paper and......................................
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Post by peterboat on Jun 11, 2016 20:24:17 GMT
!dessim nmaD Damn missed!
Bugger Bugger out of sync!!!!
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Post by Trina on Jun 11, 2016 20:34:24 GMT
Meanwhile... Mrs BB woke up from her birthday enduced sleep." Bugger I've woken up after only 13 days -that's terrible.Must have had a boring birthday."She looked up at the occasional table above her," Bugger off and leave me alone,stop following me" Mrs BB wondered where the boyz (ha ha ha ) had gone.She also missed her big sister Patty Ann & her wonderful handbag.What was going to happen next ?...Meanwhile ...bring on the vino collapso hic hic hic
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Post by metanoia on Jun 11, 2016 20:49:27 GMT
"Welcome back, Mrs BB. Only 13 out of it days post birthday? Must try harder next year" said MetalWoman, perching herself on the meandering table to pin it down. "Those boyz (ha!ha!ha!) should be able to reconfigure the settings for the time/space continuum and get the Phils back EVENTUALLY - trouble is, men sometimes seem to have strange ideas about size and measurement - we girls all know how they think they can convince us six inches is a foot..... We need Patty Ann's capacious bag - it's bound to have a slide rule in it somewhere."
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Post by Trina on Jun 11, 2016 21:09:22 GMT
Now why did the boyz think 6 inches was at least a foot ?Mrs BB tried to get her act together but she was having terrible trouble with her slide rule as it kept on fighting back.Only one answer..." Get me a pint of Rusty Rats Tail & be quick about it!"
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Post by JohnV on Jun 12, 2016 5:34:29 GMT
Mrs BB had barely finished saying "rats tail" and a foaming tankard appeared on the bar.
Yes, she had even had the bar person thingy terrified,, one might think this an impossible task, after all, in his years serving bar, he had dealt with some really appalling characters.
One of the faded sepia photographs on the wall wriggled slightly in indignation. "appalling Huh!" it was a picture of the opening night of the unSTABLE BAR. It showed the regulars, all in their Victorian finery, standing in a stiffly posed group. RLWP centred. (In the background could be seen the occasional table and the wobbly settle, standing between them the grinning Bar person Thingy and the scowling Coate Faerie)
Nobody would admit to bringing it, but like many of the items from the old venue the photo had just "arrived"
"How strange the instigator of the unStable Bar should be one of the voices that caused it's demise". the occasional table muttered "Pah" exclaimed the wobbly settle "at least here, people don't keep sawing bits off me to try and make me stable". ""That's 'coz they're all unballanced themselves" the norty step chortled
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Post by phil70 on Jun 13, 2016 15:53:52 GMT
Meanwhile Phil (who was now whole again) eased the throttle back on the Thunder Punt as it re-entered the atmosphere, a shower of sparks flew from the wonderous machine as it headed for the location entered in the GPS and unerringly found it's way back to the unStable Bar across the road. The Punt landed on the cut with a mighty sizzle as the white hot hull rapidly cooled down and within moments Phil and Taff bounded onto the towpath, both were glad to be home again and Phil with his shorts flapping was also happy to be out in the fresh air as Taff had dropped yet another one . The pair headed for the bar followed by a rather dire aroma which followed them i the shape of a green cloud. Phil burst in and yelled COO-EE we'er home!!!!
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