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Post by metanoia on Sept 6, 2018 20:21:04 GMT
Keep the faith, Patty!
Met x
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Post by Andyberg on Sept 6, 2018 20:52:39 GMT
This is the one and only serious post Ive made on here! 🙄 I posted the OP this morning, in hope of finding solace to something I carry with me every day!, Today is the 2nd anniversary of my Fiancé and me splitting up & 2yrs11 months after she was involved in a serious road accident resulting in her being perminently disabled, resulting in her right leg nerves being completely dead, her being in constant agony and her needing crutches to get about due to serious spinal injuries sustained when she rolled her car in an accident on a dual carriageway.
Ive always struggled with the injustice of what happened her, Ive struggle with the resentment I feel towards her for her need to 'go it alone' and her need not be an 'albatross around my neck' despite my assurances we / I will be ok with it and we will cope together!
Ive struggled every minute of every day with the guilt of actually admitting my life 'post us' has been a million times better than the life I had for the 11 months after her accident, whilst Her life since, has been a complete misery,
I now focus on my career & being a twat in general to push the guilt and resentment I harbour about that to the back of my mind! 😔
Im pretty sure Everyone has issues from their past, we all cope with them our own way!
So my opinion..Things happen for the greater good? I doubt it!😔
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Post by flatdog on Sept 6, 2018 20:54:47 GMT
Personally. I’ll agree. My experience... Happily married for 23 years. Kids growing well. Pretty set in our ways as you do..., Suddenly out the framework come accusations of adultery as I’ve called someone darling on the phone. (Healthcare - dealing with the elderly who respond better to it)!!!
My wife with a degree in hr management who earns 3 times my salary suddenly accuses me of Adultery and demands I leave the family home... via email and official letters. Despite the fact she’s changed her surnname, bank account and taken the kids on holiday on my money twice in recent years.... I’m the bad guy. I’ve left the home as requested 12 months ago Given her the home as my kids live there too. She’s demanding I submit to the court my previous 5 years banking statistics as she still wants more off me.
After 12 months ... All I want is to see my kids.
So I feel your grief and frustration
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Post by metanoia on Sept 6, 2018 20:57:30 GMT
So sorry for you both, keep coping as best as you can - that's all we CAN do x
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Post by patty on Sept 7, 2018 5:06:12 GMT
Coping after stuff is hard and it takes time..I have no personal experience in dealing with what either of you men are having to deal with and I see things from a woman perspective..even so I feel very sorry that you are still struggling with this. I've had shed loads of counselling from at least 8 different sources and it set me on the road to who I have become. It'll never fully go but I'm such a different person to the terrified panic ridden who I was... Guilt is a weighty burden to carry with you. As people have shared we have seen the shit(oops) that lives are soiled by..for all of us we have to find what works otherwise its a life dragged down. I'm writing it all out ..again..but this time its a slower, fact finding exercise with time to work out what has helped..my kids will have such a massive bonfire when I shed my mortal coils with the boxes of poured thoughts...I doubt any will ever read them but it helps me. I have learnt that we all have the strengths and ability deep within to find coping mechanisms but I don't think that would help in the demands for more and more maintenance..that is one angry lady. I hope you both find solutions..
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Post by JohnV on Sept 7, 2018 6:40:44 GMT
The triggers that cause problems with coping are often quite subtle. I know I bounce fairly well and quickly, so I'm lucky. Others are not so.
This thread has made me feel ..... unsettled ........ a rare occurance on TB
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Post by naughtyfox on Sept 7, 2018 6:52:14 GMT
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Post by naughtyfox on Sept 7, 2018 6:59:25 GMT
Nothing is ever perfect and the people who screwed up my mind and destroyed my health never got 'what they deserved' or 'bad karma'..but who is to say what they deserve..guess they got each other.. What I have learnt is there is only me who really cares that what happens is best for me... Russians have a very simplistic saying, "to live a life is not as easy as to cross a field".
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Post by phil70 on Sept 7, 2018 10:04:37 GMT
Judging by the amount of crap I've had to deal with in my life I'm certain that things never happen for the best The latest episode of close to 4 years has convinced me that the old saying "life's a bitch and then you die" is very near the truth. All that has affected Chris has bèen shared by me not in a physical sense but nevertheless it has severely impacted on my life. I don't mind because I'm abke to help her and am grateful that I am strong enough to do so . So in short I cope and I know that others here who I count as friends; cope as well because they have to . Does storing up Karma help? I don't know but I try Phil
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Post by patty on Sept 7, 2018 14:17:44 GMT
Judging by the amount of crap I've had to deal with in my life I'm certain that things never happen for the best The latest episode of close to 4 years has convinced me that the old saying "life's a bitch and then you die" is very near the truth. All that has affected Chris has bèen shared by me not in a physical sense but nevertheless it has severely impacted on my life. I don't mind because I'm abke to help her and am grateful that I am strong enough to do so . So in short I cope and I know that others here who I count as friends; cope as well because they have to . Does storing up Karma help? I don't know but I try Phil Chris is a lucky lady to have support and someone to share the rough times...I hope it all gets easier for you both. As to storing up Karma..what a fab thought...wonder if bad Karma stored will suddenly erupt...hmm..now that'd be the what goes around comes around with bull dozer effect. I dunno Phil, I think we must all keep on trudging through treacle and hope the going gets easier.
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Post by peterboat on Sept 7, 2018 15:01:48 GMT
I have posted this before last Christmas an ex of mine died suddenly, I only found out when her partner Dave rang me, we fell out over something silly and went our different ways but remained friends. She was only 52 and a stunningly good looking lady, others have said to me look on the bright side it could have been you who found her dead in bed, and whilst this is true its not really a bright side is it? I hope Andy finds peace and as we are all good people on here our Karma will be long and good
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