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Post by Deleted on Sept 10, 2021 10:13:45 GMT
Do you think you could provide personal care for your mum as easily as you might for your dad? And no slight intended but in-laws tend to have negative reactions to any such matters. Most people, myself included, give little thought to these things until there's a crisis. We had my mum with us for a few months in early stages of dementia. Unbelievably difficult times and I don’t think anyone can know how awful it is until they experience it. I still feel guilty that she spent her last days in a care home. I have had the same experience and feel the same way.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 10, 2021 10:40:37 GMT
Providing 24 hr care is hard work.
It would also take a reasonable shift of what is acceptable (as much from the old as the young). Try telling your mum/dad that you will help them onto the commode and wipe their bum when the have finished, or help them shower.
Been through it with my wife, but I suspect if it comes down to it my mum would prefer a stranger to do those things.
Certainly most women would be more comfortable with the assistance of another woman. Perhaps this is one reason why the overwhelming majority of care workers are women. Or maybe it's because women aren't as squeamish as men. Imagine if the hypothetical mum had lost all connection with reality.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 10, 2021 10:59:14 GMT
Women seem to be better suited to the job by nature because of the whole child bearing situation.
Having a baby is not for the faint hearted. I was present when both my kids were born naturally. That is some serious shit going on there and I thanked my lucky stars I was not the woman !
At one stage I asked the midwife for the gas and air but luckily she already knew I was doing giggles about serious things.
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Post by dyertribe on Sept 10, 2021 11:47:55 GMT
People should pay for their own care. If they own property then it should be sold. Tories looking after their rich mates again is all that is happening. Nobody in the last two generations of my family has ever been in a care home but quite a lot of them died before their time from accidents or suicides. If I was ever in that position ie physically or mentally disabled enough to be incompetent I would discuss with my children and opt for assisted dying IF it is legal. Much better solution to the problem of old people with no reason to be alive other than to make parasite care home owners richer. How the hell can it cost so much? Someone is taking good profits from all this. Too grim! Does it cost so much? Think of what a fairly basic hotel costs per week, add on all you food, add on all laundry costs, add on all the staff there to dress you, feed you, clean up after you and there, I think is your answer. Regarding the owners making a profit, why shouldn’t they? Local Authorities have closed down most of the homes they ran to save money, most of those homes were grim, I wouldn’t have put my dog there. If the private sector don’t provide the facilities we will be back to the Workhouse. If you plan wisely you can protect your assets from being used for your care fees, just like the feckless who didnt plan at all.
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Post by dyertribe on Sept 10, 2021 11:50:38 GMT
The nub of the issue for me is the unfairness of not treating dementia like any other illness, treated by the NHS, whatever it takes. Any other physical or mental illness gets sorted, no problems, but this, in some ways physical and mental, gets ignored. Until they get violent, then the NHS takes over.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 10, 2021 12:08:07 GMT
People should pay for their own care. If they own property then it should be sold. Tories looking after their rich mates again is all that is happening. Nobody in the last two generations of my family has ever been in a care home but quite a lot of them died before their time from accidents or suicides. If I was ever in that position ie physically or mentally disabled enough to be incompetent I would discuss with my children and opt for assisted dying IF it is legal. Much better solution to the problem of old people with no reason to be alive other than to make parasite care home owners richer. How the hell can it cost so much? Someone is taking good profits from all this. Too grim! Does it cost so much? Think of what a fairly basic hotel costs per week, add on all you food, add on all laundry costs, add on all the staff there to dress you, feed you, clean up after you and there, I think is your answer. Regarding the owners making a profit, why shouldn’t they? Local Authorities have closed down most of the homes they ran to save money, most of those homes were grim, I wouldn’t have put my dog there. If the private sector don’t provide the facilities we will be back to the Workhouse. If you plan wisely you can protect your assets from being used for your care fees, just like the feckless who didnt plan at all. This is what mother in law did, set up a trust so she cant be forced to sell her house if she has to go into a care home.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 10, 2021 13:00:24 GMT
People should pay for their own care. If they own property then it should be sold. Tories looking after their rich mates again is all that is happening. Nobody in the last two generations of my family has ever been in a care home but quite a lot of them died before their time from accidents or suicides. If I was ever in that position ie physically or mentally disabled enough to be incompetent I would discuss with my children and opt for assisted dying IF it is legal. Much better solution to the problem of old people with no reason to be alive other than to make parasite care home owners richer. How the hell can it cost so much? Someone is taking good profits from all this. Too grim! Does it cost so much? Think of what a fairly basic hotel costs per week, add on all you food, add on all laundry costs, add on all the staff there to dress you, feed you, clean up after you and there, I think is your answer. Regarding the owners making a profit, why shouldn’t they? Local Authorities have closed down most of the homes they ran to save money, most of those homes were grim, I wouldn’t have put my dog there. If the private sector don’t provide the facilities we will be back to the Workhouse. If you plan wisely you can protect your assets from being used for your care fees, just like the feckless who didnt plan at all. The difference between state and private care is this: the state invariably wants something for nothing* whereas private care wants twice as much for little more. The problem is privatisation, out-sourcing, and the gig economy. And you can all groan if you like but all of these things are a legacy of Thatcherite politics. "There is no such thing as society" right? Wrong. Fucking wrong. *drawing from experience of being the chump who sometimes ended up servicing an underfunded NHS contract which should not and need not exist.
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Post by JohnV on Sept 10, 2021 13:13:51 GMT
Do you think you could provide personal care for your mum as easily as you might for your dad? And no slight intended but in-laws tend to have negative reactions to any such matters. Most people, myself included, give little thought to these things until there's a crisis. We had my mum with us for a few months in early stages of dementia. Unbelievably difficult times and I don’t think anyone can know how awful it is until they experience it. I still feel guilty that she spent her last days in a care home. Truly horrid.
this rings a bell with me, It just wasn't possible to provide constant attendance either by myself or my sister, both of us had other extremely serious commitments involving caring ...... and I know both of us still are upset and deeply regret the inability to provide the care our Mum needed and that she had to spend her last days in a home, something she had feared all her life...... we were just very lucky that it was a very quick onset and a very short spell before the end.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 10, 2021 14:33:00 GMT
I reckon inheritance tax should be 100% on all assets at death. Everything back into the state.
I "benefited" from a good inheritance but all it really did for me was to fuck up my education and turn me into a twat. And as I have no interest in making money or investing it will just run out so there will be no assets to pass on anyway.
Without that inheritance, but with a good quality of life and normal state schooling I'm sure the outcome would have been better.
Also the overall drive to make as much money as possible could thereby be limited somewhat, knowing that you would not be able to hoard wealth and hand it down. Society could be leveled somewhat and the environment would benefit as well from less productivity and aggressive money making practices. It is capitalism which is fucking up the planet that is not in doubt.
Just take the money off people when they die, by law.
Unfortunately you would not get voted in if you had this policy because the majority are driven by basic instincts such as greed and selfishness.
And ban multiple ownership of properties.
Why the hell should people be able to own several properties while others are just enslaved to pay the rent?
The whole system is fucked.
Inheritance and money can also cause all sorts of bullshit among family members. I know a bloke who can't even talk to his sister other than through a lawyer because of a 4 way split in a house left in an inheritance.
If that just went to the state it would be dealt with, no bullshit just dealt with.
Do your best @nemesis, am I onto an idea or a bubble-dwelling twat ?
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Post by ianali on Sept 10, 2021 14:35:14 GMT
We had my mum with us for a few months in early stages of dementia. Unbelievably difficult times and I don’t think anyone can know how awful it is until they experience it. I still feel guilty that she spent her last days in a care home. Truly horrid.
this rings a bell with me, It just wasn't possible to provide constant attendance either by myself or my sister, both of us had other extremely serious commitments involving caring ...... and I know both of us still are upset and deeply regret the inability to provide the care our Mum needed and that she had to spend her last days in a home, something she had feared all her life...... we were just very lucky that it was a very quick onset and a very short spell before the end.
Didn’t seem right to ‘like’ your post. But yeh, worst period of my life, by far. Wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 10, 2021 15:31:40 GMT
I reckon inheritance tax should be 100% on all assets at death. Everything back into the state. I "benefited" from a good inheritance but all it really did for me was to fuck up my education and turn me into a twat. And as I have no interest in making money or investing it will just run out so there will be no assets to pass on anyway. Without that inheritance, but with a good quality of life and normal state schooling I'm sure the outcome would have been better. Also the overall drive to make as much money as possible could thereby be limited somewhat, knowing that you would not be able to hoard wealth and hand it down. Society could be leveled somewhat and the environment would benefit as well from less productivity and aggressive money making practices. It is capitalism which is fucking up the planet that is not in doubt. Just take the money off people when they die, by law. Unfortunately you would not get voted in if you had this policy because the majority are driven by basic instincts such as greed and selfishness. And ban multiple ownership of properties. Why the hell should people be able to own several properties while others are just enslaved to pay the rent? The whole system is fucked. Inheritance and money can also cause all sorts of bullshit among family members. I know a bloke who can't even talk to his sister other than through a lawyer because of a 4 way split in a house left in an inheritance. If that just went to the state it would be dealt with, no bullshit just dealt with. Do your best @nemesis , am I onto an idea or a bubble-dwelling twat ? The funny thing is that by comparison you've made a fairly good job of being an idle rich. Some win the lottery and spunk the lot in a few short years. But rich or poor you are a sausage at a bar mitzvah. At least you don't claim benefit. The part about passing a law that all property reverts to the state would be mildly unpopular. I agree completely about second-property ownership, that one factor alone is incredibly destructive for society as a whole. Ask anybody from Cornland. I'd prohibit UK property ownership by foreign nationals as well. It would be alright if there was 100 times more space in the UK than there actually is. Maybe we could ban stock markets at the same time. Bludy Dutch twats.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 10, 2021 15:47:07 GMT
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Post by dyertribe on Sept 10, 2021 16:05:20 GMT
Does it cost so much? Think of what a fairly basic hotel costs per week, add on all you food, add on all laundry costs, add on all the staff there to dress you, feed you, clean up after you and there, I think is your answer. Regarding the owners making a profit, why shouldn’t they? Local Authorities have closed down most of the homes they ran to save money, most of those homes were grim, I wouldn’t have put my dog there. If the private sector don’t provide the facilities we will be back to the Workhouse. If you plan wisely you can protect your assets from being used for your care fees, just like the feckless who didnt plan at all. This is what mother in law did, set up a trust so she cant be forced to sell her house if she has to go into a care home. And that’s what I do for the day job!
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Post by dyertribe on Sept 10, 2021 16:12:50 GMT
We had my mum with us for a few months in early stages of dementia. Unbelievably difficult times and I don’t think anyone can know how awful it is until they experience it. I still feel guilty that she spent her last days in a care home. Truly horrid.
this rings a bell with me, It just wasn't possible to provide constant attendance either by myself or my sister, both of us had other extremely serious commitments involving caring ...... and I know both of us still are upset and deeply regret the inability to provide the care our Mum needed and that she had to spend her last days in a home, something she had feared all her life...... we were just very lucky that it was a very quick onset and a very short spell before the end.
So many clients come to us swearing that their parents will never go into a home. Trying to explain gently that, whilst it is a laudable aspiration it is sometimes very unrealistic, possibly dangerous and even cruel to keep someone in conditions which cannot meet their needs.
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Post by dyertribe on Sept 10, 2021 16:17:08 GMT
I reckon inheritance tax should be 100% on all assets at death. Everything back into the state. I "benefited" from a good inheritance but all it really did for me was to fuck up my education and turn me into a twat. And as I have no interest in making money or investing it will just run out so there will be no assets to pass on anyway. Without that inheritance, but with a good quality of life and normal state schooling I'm sure the outcome would have been better. Also the overall drive to make as much money as possible could thereby be limited somewhat, knowing that you would not be able to hoard wealth and hand it down. Society could be leveled somewhat and the environment would benefit as well from less productivity and aggressive money making practices. It is capitalism which is fucking up the planet that is not in doubt. Just take the money off people when they die, by law. Unfortunately you would not get voted in if you had this policy because the majority are driven by basic instincts such as greed and selfishness. And ban multiple ownership of properties. Why the hell should people be able to own several properties while others are just enslaved to pay the rent? The whole system is fucked. Inheritance and money can also cause all sorts of bullshit among family members. I know a bloke who can't even talk to his sister other than through a lawyer because of a 4 way split in a house left in an inheritance. If that just went to the state it would be dealt with, no bullshit just dealt with. Do your best @nemesis, am I onto an idea or a bubble-dwelling twat ? The latter, I’m afraid, for everyone messed up by receiving an inheritance there are hundreds who benefit by having a worry free old age.
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